10/29/09
I’ve felt this week like I just can’t make any forward progress with my schoolwork. I have been working nonstop on an essay that was due on Sunday. It’s now Thursday night, and I have 1 of 10 pages written. I have caught up on about half of the reading for the past two weeks in this class, an amount which should have taken me one good day of reading, not three. I have part of an outline for the essay, but not enough to really write it. I feel like I’m spinning my wheels, always moving but never going anywhere.
Speaking of spinning my wheels, that’s a good analogy for this period of stagnation. I remember, less than two weeks before the ride, having ridden 16 miles through Marin County, but later being unable to ride 5 miles home from work before having to catch BART. Then I rode 35 miles the next weekend, and felt like I could do 35 more. Oftentimes, I have trouble making it to school, but other times the ride is easy.
This led me to ask the question: What factors go into making a particular ride an easy or a hard one? Here are some: incline, wind, condition of my bike, my physical energy, my mental attitude…not to mention whether someone is praying for me (a factor which I thought played a large factor in the 35-mile bike ride). If I am having a hard time riding, I would do best to identify what is/are the cause(s) of my difficulties. If it’s just that I’m going uphill, this will soon end, and the downhill will come. If it’s the wind, that’s a more long-term condition that won’t change — it’s like riding uphill permanently. If it’s my bike that’s the problem, then I am expending unnecessary energy, making things more difficult for myself. I should concentrate on fixing my bike, because I don’t want my bike to be limiting me excessively. Or, perhaps I just don’t have the energy right now to perform at my best. In that case, an energy bar or some water might help. But if I don’t have the mental energy, the attitude, the dedication to perform, I won’t. Attitude is an absolutely necessary component. Without a positive, can-do attitude, I may finish the race, but I will be way behind and feel miserable. I’d be suffering through something I should be enjoying. Occasionally, I have been able to overcome this obstacle, psyching myself into a mode wherein I am able to care, and as a result perform at my best.
If only I could carry this analytical mode of thinking to my study life. Why can’t I concentrate? Why am I going so slow when I am reading or writing? Let’s try these out. Is it an uphill battle, something difficult to do, a dense reading, etc? Is there an external resistive force, pushing me back and making it harder for me? Is there a problem with my methods, my mode of studying, that is inefficient, or holding me back? Is my body perhaps not in a condition favorable to studying (tired, hungry, achey, sick)? Or, is the problem mental? Do I not think I can do it, or not care enough?
There is one factor I just thought of: extra baggage. If I’m carrying too much on my bike, I move slower under the weight. I don’t have the power (force x speed) to continue with that size load at that speed. If this is the case in schoolwork, that just means I am overworked and need to take more time and go slower, or drop some of the extra load.
Going through the options for this week, here’s how they go: is this paper I’m writing an “uphill battle”? Probably not — I like the subject, and while 10 pages is a lot, and does take some time, it’s not too hard. I’ve done longer. Is there some wind, or external force, resisting my progress? Would this be “distractions”? Maybe. There are a lot of distractions, especially during the first half of the week — but not anymore, really. They’re always there, so let’s ignore them. Is there a problem with my method? Very likely. Maybe I’m reading wrong, or missing some important step of the paper-writing process. I did forget to do an outline until Monday night. Lack of physical energy? I’ve been sleeping and eating well; I may be coming down with a cold, but it’s nothing bad if I am. Mental energy? This is another strong likelihood — I was pretty freaked out Sunday and Tuesday. Although, Monday and today I was quite unstressed, and still didn’t perform (I read for hours today and only got through 5 pages). So, whether I’m stressed or not didn’t seem to affect whether I could read and write properly.
This analysis seems to point to my method (or “bike”) as the main problem. It is uphill, and there is some wind, but I don’t have any extra weight (it’s reading week and I’m not doing anything else), I have the physical energy, and mental attitude doesn’t seem to make much of a difference. So that leaves the bike. Perhaps I’m doing something so grossly inefficiently that it’s preventing me from making any forward progress. Should I take a course in speed-reading? Spend more time in the library? Do things in a different order (read, make notes, construct outlines, grab quotations, process thoughts, write, etc.)?
